A little over a year ago I had to say goodbye to my furry companion Bella, a large black Lab mix with a gentle soul and a need to be outside each and every day! Bella was my first Lab mix that ever liked water, so not only did we walk 3-4 times a day, but in the summer we had to get to Lake Superior for a quick dip. As a result, I was walking 12-15,000 steps a day which was certainly good for me. We went 365 days a year - hot or cold!
At the same time I lost Bella I also went through my cancer treatment (I am cancer free and doing well!) as well as leaving the congregation I served for 9 years and the house I loved. I was heading toward a sabbatical year, but things were not going as planned. As a result, my stride was thrown off and I have lived this past year feeling as if I was walking drunk - a little to the side, some backward and yet forward progress as well. I could not seem to find the right stride and I was unwilling to let go of the vision I had had of what the year was supposed to look like. As a result I had a great year but it wasn't what I expected and I didn't get done what I had promised myself I would do! That left me frustrated and unclear about moving forward.
Then one day a switch flipped with the help of some people in my life. First, I physically got my feet back under me by listening to the advice of my trainer, John. He has kept after me to not only work out but to eat better and to get walking. I finally did - by walking to my workout! It's about 1.2 miles and with every step I loosen up my body and my mind. It feels good to walk again and I have continued to do so even on the days I don't work out by walking to the park close to my house and enjoying my time outside. I find I need that as much as the walking.
Just recently, as I was given the new assignment to pastor at Faith United Methodist Church in Eyota, MN, I had an epiphany with the help of my life coach. I was lamenting the end of my sabbatical before it was really over and thinking I needed more time. As she asked me questions I realized I had been stuck - stuck with the vision I had created for myself, not with the reality. The reality is that I was causing my own frustration because I didn't stop to realize that I am happier than I have been in years! I am looking forward to meeting the people of the Faith UMC and getting to know the area, I have had an unbelievably wonderful year with my family and friends, and I am feeling healthy and ready for whatever lies ahead.
I just had to LET GO! Let go of what should have been and embrace what has been and what will be. I now have my feet firmly beneath me once again. I don't have the answers of what all the future will hold, and I still have lots to do (like finishing my next book!) but My legs are beneath me, they are strong, and they are ready to walk into my future. It feels good to let go, as it frees me to enjoy NOW. I can't ask for more than that.
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